Story Excerpt:Hitler was trudging down the war torn lands of Germany. Once a great leader, he was reduced to a bruised and battered figure. Death filled the air as soldiers lay beneath his feet. His shuffling gait was evident in the stinging silence. He had sworn to save Germany but now, his motherland lay in ruins. His prominent moustache was smart as ever but his face revealed an overwhelming sadness, a form of disappointment. There was dirt on his face and his crooked lips spoke for themselves. Then, a war cry ensued. A German soldier was mercilessly bayoneted by a few Soviets. Blood spilled onto the ground. Hitler grew more solemn by the second. “Take my hand, my dear,” Hitler spoke with great affection despite the ongoing conflict. His love took him by his wrists and dashed for their lives. The intensity of the war grew and the Soviet forces had isolated Berlin from the rest of Germany. There was no way out. Hitler never cried for as long as he could remember but today, he realised that it was inevitable. His glistening cheeks blended into the bleak background of Berlin. He removed his pistol and raised it to his temple. Then, with a click, a loud blast reverberated throughout the city. Hitler lay on the cold hard, hard ground, his pupils void of life.
Joel, I particularly enjoyed reading your story. It vividly describes Hitler's physical features and emotions during his defeat when Germany fell to Russian forces. The tensions in the atmosphere can be felt, and it was as if I was at the scene. I liked the ending very much, the gloomy scene ended with the implicit descriptions of Hitler's suicide.
ReplyDeleteXavier Neo (2A117)
Hi Joel, I think that this paragraph truly brings out Hitler's physical appearances. Something that makes this story very unique is how you create the tension and atmosphere. The ending made a great impact on me, reason being because it demonstrates Hitler's suicide through the rule of "show not tell".
ReplyDeleteLua Jiong Wei (2A116)
Hi Joel, I think that this paragraph brought out another side of Hitler that we had overlooked. Maniac he might be, but he still wanted to Germany to be a world power, and you conveyed Hitler's bitter disappointment, his sadness and the desperation the infamous dictator felt as the Soviets closed in to Berlin. You managed to bring out the human side of this dictator, not just a ruthless mastermind but a human being, with his share of emotions through what he said to his love. I liked the way you foreshadowed the suicide, from "glistening cheeks blended into the bleak background of Berlin", you showed how he and the ruins of Berlin was one, and ominously brought out his eventual suicide. However, I would just like to point out one point that's historically inaccurate. Hitler did not die in the silent city of Berlin (anyway Berlin was under Soviet fire when Hitler died so it could not have been silent) but rather in his underground bunker called FuhrerBunker. Anyway, did you watch the movie "Der Untergang", as your paragraph strongly reminded me of that movie.
ReplyDeleteDear Joel,
ReplyDeleteYour story excerpt is truly something that not everyone had thought of - the other side of Hitler. Although Hitler is not quite a celebrity, your excerpt would do fine. You managed to bring out Hitler's physical appearances. This story is also very unique as you managed to create the tension and atmosphere through the various way of characterisation. The ending ( suicide ) was great too as it is based on the principle "show" and not "tell".
Thank You.
Zane 2a1(33)
Your story except is quite interesting as it develops the character of Hitler from a different point of view. Most people would think he was a raving maniac, out to conquer Europe. However, no one would imagine that Hitler was actually not a brave man and was not as successful as to conquer Europe. Instead, Germany was conquered by other neighbouring European countries. You have a very good language and your character's personality and traits are vividly described. Through characterisation, you can create the tension and atmosphere, resulting in the ending of Hitler's suicide. You also based this on "show not tell", which is more unique as it is not the usual narration from a third person's point of view.
ReplyDelete- Cheng Wei Loon 2A1 04